hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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