two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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