I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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