just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
