If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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