why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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