No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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