I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
