I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
