Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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