new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
