Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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