I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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