Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
