You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
