I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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