Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
