He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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