K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
