I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
