Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
