i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize