i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
