I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
