You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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