hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
