I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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