You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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