so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
