I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
