there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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