I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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