his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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