bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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