my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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