I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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