sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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