My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
