I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
