Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
