Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
