You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
