So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
