so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if only i could text you this smell
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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