I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
