i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
