Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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