your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
