why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
