Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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