Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
