I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
