dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
