Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
