Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
