HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
