i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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