a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
