omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
