Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
