My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
